Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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#47
I started dating my little a couple weeks ago. This weekend she gave me a book she said is very special because it’s all about little her. I hate it though. It’s like getting a memory keepsake book of your baby but only it’s made by somebody else and you missed on making the memories with your baby or finding this stuff out like you should’ve. I stopped reading it it just makes me cry because I want to find these things out naturally and I want to make special memories? I feel like a bad mama for crying over this? I wanted to get to know her not read about her if that makes sense? But I don’t want to hurt her feelings and tell her I’m not reading anymore of it. It hurts she made this like she’s stolen my chance to get to know her naturally in a lot of ways? It’s a whole book! What’s right to do?

Rama
#48
I can understand how this may feel hurtful in some way but don’t think of this as an attack at you as a partner or your relationship. The book was clearly created before your presence as a partner. It seems to me there are a few options at this point:

  • Give the book back and let your partner know that, while you appreciate the thoughtfulness of it, they’ll want to keep it for their own memories to look back at...
    • Offer to create an equally as great memory book together as your relationship progresses
    • Offer to personally create an equally as create memory book of your little as you discover things about them and see them regressed more
  • Keep the book but talk with your partner about not reading it...
    • Suggest you two go over it after some time, as if it were a time capsule of your partner before your relationship. Maybe after 1, 2, or even 5 years you two will sit down and go through it together to see how they’ve grown.
    • Suggest you two work on a similar book together, not really talking about the other book.
I do think you should let your partner know that you’d prefer you do these things together in the future so that you get to experience getting to know them. You should still appreciate their thought and effort they put into the book, and not allow yourself to get too caught up in the bad feelings when you talk with them about it. They meant no harm and probably just naively thought giving you a “handbook” of themselves in a way would make bonding with them easier. I do agree that if this was the thought process then they were wrong—but they weren’t doing anything intentionally bad or malicious so you should try your best to be forgiving.
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