You absolutely do not need to do everything
for your partner just because they regress or feel particularly childish. Even the most loving parents don’t and you aren’t actually expected to either. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that many Littles flourish better with support
rather than a reduction of responsibility. They may say they want no responsibility, but it seems that they really are just lacking that confidence.
Regressors want to be like children partially due to feeling insecure in adulthood and partially due to seeking the approval and support of another adult who doesn’t seem insecure in adulthood. They are childlike in various other ways too, of course. They want to be nurtured as children, and as appealing as being spoiled may sound that isn’t what is most fulfilling in the long run. As an example, Littles gain a lot of personal fulfillment out of maintaining a job
. They aren’t incapable, they just need reassurance and to be nurtured. That’s probably something you’re really good at doing too!
They want to be loved, cared for, and grown—to have development into a stage that no longer feels bizarre, pressured, and generally uncomfortable. Just as a parent deeply loves and prioritizes their child and supports, encourages, and even pushes them at times toward success, a little seems to need that sort of love the most. They don’t need you to do it all. They need you to help them do it, and to feel well in their successes (or unfortunate failures).
Making clear, firm boundaries on what you will and will not do is smart, sure, but it shouldn’t be the final say in everything. You don’t need a list of rules or some cold contract for these things. A good conversation and gentle reminders by encouragement to self-provide will do just fine. As you understand the needs of your partner as an adult
you will need to provide more encouragement toward their successes, and more reassurance of any failures they have had. Let your partner know that you love and cherish them, and that means you want to help them make accomplishments and achievements themselves too.
Try replacing some of you taking over on something with words of encouragement. Try to think of uplifting your partner, praising them when they do it themselves. Encourage, support, praise!
Anyway, welcome to the community and I hope your relationship blossoms into the most beautiful partnership you could ever imagine!